Sorry this is late, y’all, but you may have heard that Snowmageddon happened earlier this week in Alabama. My apologies.
Y’all, Juan Pablo is determined to wreck my bracket – and it is working.
This week, the girls pack their bags, all 50 giant suitcases, and head to Seoul, South Korea – cue about a million puns about being “Seoul mates.”
I am sort of confused about the format of this season, because according to past season schedules, this week was supposed to have the two-on-one date – which is my favorite date with all of its awkwardness. But instead, we got two group dates and only one one-on-one date. Has that ever happened before??
1st Group Date (Kat, Nikki, Chelsie, Danielle, Elise, Cassandra)
The girls got to perform with Korean K-Pop group “2NE1” (pronounced “twenty-one”). Apparently this girl K-pop group is really really big in South Korea, Chris Harrison even compared them to One Direction. The girls get to wear super cool outfits, and I am supes jealous of Elise’s braids.
Kat has been “dancing since before she could walk,” and she is really excited about this group date. She knows that she is a good dancer, and she lets everyone know it. But I like Kat, I think that she is fun and likes to have a good time, but she is also well-spoken and put-together. Like the whole time that she was talking about how much she liked to dance, I felt like she was really honestly having a good time, and not trying to be bitchy. Nikki however, was convinced that Kat was trying to rub it in her face that she was good dancer. I thought that I liked Nikki, but she is getting on my nerves. She complained the whole date about how uncomfortable she was, instead of just letting loose and having a good time like everyone else. Get over yourself, Nikki. Ugh.
Later at the cocktail party, Kat opens up to JP about her alcoholic father and growing up with a single mother. While this is happening, Nikki is starting the catty-ness. Why Nikki, Why?!?!?!? Have you never seen The Bachelor before? You DO NOT want to be the girl that is starting all of the drama and talking behind everyone’s back. DON’T DO IT! [Tangent: I hate when people try to defend their catty-ness by saying things like, “Other girls don’t want to step on other people’s toes. But, I’m not scared to say what I am thinking. I’ll say it!” Do not act like starting drama is an honorable thing to do. I am very disappointed in you, Nikki.]
Nikki gets the group rose, and everyone is very disappointed.
One-on-One Date – Sharleen
Okay y’all, I want to like Sharleen. I think that she is gorgeous and elegant, and way more classy than I’ll ever be. She travels the world as an opera singer and has good hair.
But the girl is awkward as mess, y’all. Before she mentioned her ex-boyfriend, I was pretty sure that she had never dated anyone before. She can’t take a compliment, and her best attempt at giving a compliment was telling JP that he “was not bland.” I mean, come on, girl. You could have at least turned that around and told him that he was fun to be around or something.
JP and Sharleen wonder around the streets of Seoul, tasting weird foods and seeing the sights. JP then takes her to a traditional tea house – let the awkward conversation begin! Sharleen is surprised by how many layers there are to Juan Pablo, and how intriguing he is. And then she calls him a smartass ….
At the fancy dinner portion of their evening, JP convinces Sharleen to sing for him. After some coaxing and a few mouth exercises (à la High School Musical), she belts out about 15 seconds of some ah, ah, ah, ah’s and that’s all. JP loves it, and he is enthralled by her for some reason.
Then … there is some more way weird awkward kissing! Like I almost fell off the couch just because of the sheer awkwardness. Like, she pulled his mouth open and held his lip down before she started kissing him. SO WEIRD!!! Just kiss like a normal person, Sharleen! That is all we ask!
At dinner, JP asks Sharleen how many kids she wants. Duh, duh, duh … Then, it gets super weird because Sharleen may not even want children. She sort of avoids the question and starts talking about how she has been so focused on her career and that she once dated a guy that had a daughter, and how she was not ready for that. And that’s about all she says. She never clarifies and says anything like, “But now I realize that I do want a family, and that people are what’s important in life,” or anything like that. But apparently JP is so into her that he doesn’t care, because he gives her the rose anyway.
2nd Group Date (Clare, Andi, Alli, Lauren, Kelly, Renee)
JP and the girls go gallivanting around the street market in Soeul. Clare jokingly says that she hopes that she doesn’t have to eat octopus. Then, JP says in his interview, “She just made the biggest mistake of her life,” laughs maniacally, and leads her straight to some octopus. All of the other girls are champs and taste the octopus, while Clare makes the biggest deal out of it and pretends to be gagging. Get over yourself, Clare. Clare always has to be touching or beside JP, and all of the girls are fed up with her, as am I.
Also, I want Kelly to be my new best friend. She is not falling for Clare’s octopus drama.
Then, they all go to this “spa” place, where you put your feet in a fish pond and let the fish eat your dead skin off. GROSS! But all of the girls are good sports and participate. Good for them.
At the group date cocktail party, JP has decided that he is not going to kiss anyone that night. He wants to be a good example for his daughter and does not want to be a kissing whore. Coincidentally, Lauren has decided that tonight is the night that she is going to make her move and try to kiss JP. Uh oh. Poor sweet Lauren goes in for the kill, and JP stops her. DE-NIED. Lauren is embarrassed and gets emotional. She can’t stop crying, and I really feel bad for her. I think that her embarrassment and emotion is totally warranted. I mean, any girl would feel humiliated.
Andi and JP’s one-on-one time was really cute, and I think that JP is really into her. But, he will not kiss her, and all he can say is, “Ai, ai, ai.”
JP won’t kiss Renee, Lauren, or Andi, but then it is Clare’s turn. And JP says that he can’t help himself any more, and he kisses her. Shame on him. I was slightly disappointed that he kissed only one girl after telling the other girls that he wasn’t going to that night, and highly disappointed that that one girl was Clare.
Andi gets the group date rose. Good for her!
Everyone gets super mad at Nikki because she steals one-on-one time with JP, even though she already has a rose. That is pretty low, Nikki. JP mentions to Nikki that he aware of the drama that is going on in the house. She immediately assumes that Clare must have said something to him, and starts gossiping with Kelly about it. Then, Clare comes and sits down, putting Kelly right in the middle of dueling Nikki and Clare. Kelly tells it like it is and says, “I have to admit, I do feel awkward in the middle of both of you.” Then, she just tells Clare that JP mentioned drama in the house, and Nikki thinks that Clare tattled. Kelly is really hilarious. I secretly hope that she is dark horse, and somehow she makes it to the end and surprises all of us.
Elise and Lauren do not get roses and get sent back to America. Then, Elise takes about 45 minutes to walk out of the cobblestone palace in her stilettos and tight sequin skirt. It was quite hilarious.
Next week, something crazy is happening with Clare. Pretty sure is going to pull a “Courtney” and sneak into his room at night. But, apparently JP regrets whatever happens, and Clare ends up crying. CAN’T WAIT!!