Bachelor/ette / TV Show Recaps

Bachelor: Juan Pablo – Ep. 3

One-on-One
Cassandra

Cassandra met Juan Pablo out at the beach, where he was waiting for her in a weird convertible lime green jeep vehicle thing – it was odd. Cassandra was very giddy and giggly, but also very nervous about what they were doing for their date. Everything that they passed, she said, “Oh, are we going over there?” “Are we getting on that yacht?” “Are we paddle boating?” Just calm down, Cassandra. Carpe diem.

Then, Juan Pablo surprised everybody (not really, we have seen the previews) by driving the car straight into the water. All of Cassandra’s worries came true, and you could tell that she was greatly concerned that JP had just ruined the convertible jeep thing. Then, the car went all Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang and turned into a boat. I sure hope that they gave JP car/boat driving lessons prior to this date, because he was driving super fast and skimming all over the top of the water. I was slightly concerned that they were just going to flip out a few times. But, they didn’t. They spent the rest of the afternoon swimming and playing on a yacht, and later they had dinner back at JP’s place.

Cassandra kept saying things about how she hadn’t been on a first date since she was 18, and I was like, “Oh Lordy, that is a really long time.” Nope – not a long time. The girl is only 21 years old. Granted, she is really beautiful, but she seems really immature to me. She kept giggling and shrieking, and her occupation is listed as a “Former NBA Dancer.”

Juan Pablo gives her a rose, but I have a feeling that she will probably be leaving within the next couple of weeks.

Group Date
Alli, Andi, Christy, Danielle, Kelly, Lauren, Lucy, Nikki, Renee, Sharleen

The girls met JP at the L.A. Galaxy stadium to play a little soccer. The most exciting thing that happened is Sharleen getting hit in the face with the ball about five times.

[I feel like this was supposed to be the token competition date where the losing team doesn’t get to go to the cocktail party part of the date, but I guess that much competition was too much for the Bachelor – so they did away with that. Remember the roller derby date from Sean’s season? Now that was good tv.]

Nikki is letting the pressure get to her, and she is stressing out about always having to say the perfect thing to JP in the few minutes she gets to be alone with him. Don’t worry, Nikki – you have something that Juan Pablo likes.

Nikki3

Andi and JP sneak into the concession stand for a few snacks and a makeout session. Andi – “That kitchen was a hot kitchen.” Later, Andi is really obsessing over the fact that she had a special kiss with JP, but he also obviously connecting with other girls. The game is getting to her head. Uh oh.

Next, Juan Pablo takes Sharleen down to the center of the field where EVERYONE can see them. Why, Juan Pablo, why?? Juan Pablo really likes her (for some reason), but she is really super socially awkward. He keeps trying to be sweet and tell her nice things like “You are very classy. I like that.” And after everything he says, she replies, “That’s a compliment.” Not, “Oh, that’s so sweet,” or “Thank you very much.” She is odd. Then, Juan Pablo says that he just wants to kiss her – please note that JP moved in to kiss her and not the other way around.

I’m pretty sure that this was Sharleen’s very first kiss ever of her entire life. It was the most awkward kiss ever. She kept pulling away like she was taken off guard. Poor Juan Pablo kept trying to fix it, but Sharleen kept messing it up. AWKWARD.

sharleen kiss

After the kiss, even Sharleen knew that it was bad. She even said that she was still trying to “figure that out.” Figure what out? Kissing? You should have figured that out by now, girl. She asks for a “retake” and goes in for another kiss, but it is not any better. FAIL.

Not only was the kiss TERRIBLE, but all of the other girls saw them kissing. No good.

Nikki gets the group date rose. Go, Nikki!

One-on-One Date
Chelsie

Back at the mansion, Elise and Chelsie have figured out that one of them is going on the one-on-one date, and one of them is not getting a date at all. Elise is sure that she is getting the date because no one else has as good of a connection with JP as her. Plot twist: Chelsie gets the date. Way to trick us producers – NOT.

Elise is bitter, and she goes on a rampage about how Chelsie is too young and even calls her a “baby.” She says that Chelsie is not ready to be a step-mother, and even says, “I don’t know if having another daughter is what he wants.” Like, it’s all that Elise can talk about. She tries to get Kat on her side, but Kat is not having the gossip and tells Elise that Chelsie is 24 or 25, and then asks Elise how old she is. Elise is only 27, so that’s just 3 years difference. Then, Elise tries to get Cassandra on her side, but she probably doesn’t realize that Cassandra is only 21. No one else is indulging Elise in her weird obsession with Chelsie’s age.

On their date, Chelsie and JP sing and dance to Venezuelan music in the car, and then eat some delish Venezuelan food. Somewhere during her interview stage, Chelsie made the mistake of telling the Bachelor producers that she is afraid of heights. So, of course she has to demonstrate how much she trusts JP by bungee jumping off of a bridge. (Because we all know that JP is in control of the bungee jump, and it is him that she needs to trust, and not the harnesses that are actually in control of her life. I am tired of this metaphor.)

I know that Chelsie and JP end up jumping because I have seen the previews of them diving off the bridge. But Chelsie chickens out and backs off the platform so many times, that I am questioning whether they are going to jump or not. My viewing group and I even consider the possibility that he kicks Chelsie off the date, goes back to the mansion and gets Elise, and they jump off the bridge.

But, Juan Pablo eventually convinces Chelsie to jump, and it’s the best day of her life. They even have their first kiss while dangling upside down off the bridge. Hooray for Spiderman kisses!

chelsiebridge

Best quote from Chelsie: “If we can jump off a bridge together, we can pretty much get through anything.”

They also go to dinner, but nothing really happens. Chelsie gets a rose.

Pool Party

All the girls are freaking out about other girls kissing the guy that they like. Duh! It’s The Bachelor. Like really, that’s pretty much the whole point of the pool party – everyone is jealous.

Kat sits on JP’s shoulders for a long time while they play chicken in the pool. Kelly thinks that Kat is a whore.

Sharleen kisses JP in front of the other girls some more. It is still really bad.

Lucy is sad that she has to keep her top on in the pool since JP is there. Weirdo.

Rose Ceremony

Christy and Lucy leave – totally destroying my bracket. I really thought that Lucy would be sticking around for a little while longer – just for dramatic purposes. But good for Juan Pablo sending her home early.

Next Week

The Bachelor budget must have been increased – thanks to Sean’s up in ratings. And JP and the girls travel to Sotuh Korea.

We finally get to hear Sharleen sing.

Elise is still caught up on the fact that Chelsie is too young and not ready to be a step-mother. Elise is about to get herself involved in too much drama and that’s never good for anyone.

-L

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