Bachelor/ette / TV Show Recaps

Bachelor: Juan Pablo – Ep. 1

Like Bethany, I was not originally on the Juan Pablo train. I mean the guy is smoking and has a cool accent, but I was not sure that he could carry a whole season. But then I remembered, if Bachelor Nation could make it through a whole season of Ben Flajnik, then we could make it through anything.

I also must confess that I was not originally a Sean Lowe fan.  Once again, the guy is smoking, but I was scared that his personality was not going to be able to reel the viewers in. Boy was I wrong. I realized that when you are 1 out of 25 guys, America does not get to see enough of your personality and the producers can edit your limited screen time to be what they want you to be. Sean turned out to be hilarious, sweet, genuine, silly, and playful – something I feel like I did not get to see on The Bachelorette.

Sorry for that rambling, but all that to say – I have high hopes that Juan Pablo will turn out to be a great Bachelor as well.

Speaking of Sean, he makes an appearance on the show to stop by and give some advice to Juan Pablo. When Juan Pablo asks Sean about life after the show, Sean tells a beautiful story about when he realized that Catherine was indeed the girl he wanted to marry. One day after the show and all the glamour was over, Sean’s dogs got sprayed by skunks, and he and Catherine had to bathe them in tomato juice. In that totally non-glamorous moment, Sean knew that he loved Catherine and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. HOW FREAKING SWEET!! I freaking love Sean and Catherine.

Sean also gives JP some great advice about the first night. He tells him that everyone is nervous and trying to make a memorable impression, so JP just needs to just have fun and go with it. (This piece of advice is really going to come in handy when crazy chick gets out of the limo with a fake pregnant belly.)

Okay, on to the actual girls.

The girls start pouring out of the limo, and I love that Juan Pablo is not keeping his thoughts to himself. Any time he has a thought on a girl, he is not scared to verbalize it – “WOW!” “She’s CUTE!” “Oh My Gosh!” It is quite entertaining. And he keeps waving to the limos in the cutest way possible.



She is the first one out of the limo, and she’s really cute. But, she is wearing this super sparkly red gown that looks like something my friend would have worn to our Valentine’s Banquet in middle school.



She is beautiful and wearing a gorgeous blush/nude colored gown. She seems to be doing alright, and then all of a sudden she gets supes awkward and starts asking JP if “they’re good” and there are way too many long awkward pauses.



She looks a little flustered and a little like she is going to a debutante ball or something in an odd white gown with a large beaded headband. Also, her makeup is not good.



She is looking gorgeous in an emerald green gown – I LOVE green dresses! She gives JP a bracelet she made for Camilla with her name on it. I thought Christine was cute, and her bracelet idea was great. But, JP must not have been too impressed because she was



She steps out of the limo, and JP says, “Wow. This first limo is on fire.” So cute. I love Nikki’s silver beaded black dress. She looks great. She brings a stethoscope because she is a nurse and wants JP to listen to her heartbeat so he knows just how nervous she is. Seems like a cute enough intro, but was prob a little awkward considering her dress was pretty low-cut, and JP pretty much just had to stare at her boobs while “listening to her heartbeat.” But I like Nikki. I hope she goes far. According to this face by JP, I think he might like her




She seems really cool, calm, collected, and not nervous at all as she marches up to JP and demands that he teach her to salsa right there on the spot. He does, but I am pretty sure that she practiced beforehand.



She teaches JP how to correctly say her name. And that’s about it.



She is from Brazil. And I do not like the color of her dress. She and JP talk in foreign languages about how he knows a little Portuguese, and she knows a little bit of Spanish. Hopefully they will figure out the best way to communicate.



Okay. Can we talk about Lucy for a second? The girl is a FAKE hippy. Let’s be real. When Chris Harrison surprised her in that boutique and told her that she had been chosen for The Bachelor, she was not dressed like a hippy. I’m pretty sure she had on a ton of makeup and had her hair all curled and styled. Then, she went a tried on a super tight beaded body-con short dress – which is the farthest thing from “hippy” that I can think of. Then, she shows up out of the limo wearing no shoes, a flowered head dress thing, and along flowy hippy dress. I think the girl has multiple personalities. And she seems really young – I mean, her occupation is “Free Spirit” – aka “I need to get my sh!t together soon.” Also, she says that she didn’t wear shoes because she didn’t want to be too tall. Has the girl never heard of flats?

Safe. (Oh, and when her name is called, she does this stupid giggle thing and twirls up to JP to get the rose and twirls back to her spot on the risers. She is a child. What. A. Lame-O.)


She tells JP that she has a gift for him, but he has to find her inside to get it. Pretty good plan, Danielle, assuring that you get one-on-one time. Good job.


Lauren S.

She is a music composer, so of course the most logical thing to do is to ride a piano bicycle up the mansion driveway. Apparently the driveway is on a slight incline because she has a little trouble. JP cutely scurries over to help her, but she yells, “I’ve got it,” and he runs back over to his spot to wait for her. She plays some music for him, and finally gets off the piano-bike to come talk to him. She is sooooo nervous – like more nervous than all of the other girls. She walks off without telling JP her name, so he runs into the house after her and says, “I’m not supposed to be in here, but I didn’t get your name.” She is so embarrassed. But, she’s cute. So she sticks around.



She is a science teacher, and she seems like a lot of fun. She is also wearing a super cool metallic silver dress thing.



She wears cowboy boots because she wants JP to know that the fancy dress isn’t really her, but the real her always wears cowboys boots… or something like that.



She is super pretty and chooses to wear a freaking awesome gold sequined dress. But, I think that the super awesome dress is restricting or something, because she walks sooooo slow. Like she puts her arms out to hug JP at the appropriate distance, but she is walking so slow that she ends up holding her arms out for way too long as she approaches him.




She is an elementary school teacher, so she brings JP a gold star. That’s all.



This crazy lunatic somehow thinks that it would be funny to pretend that she is pregnant getting out of the limo. What a weirdo. I already don’t like her, and from the previews that I have seen, I think that she is going to be the Courtney/Tierra-ble of the group. Gross.



Alli plays soccer, so she brought a soccer ball to break the ice with JP. Seems like a good idea, right? Nope. She blew it. First of all, if you’re brilliant plan is to play soccer, then you should have picked a more sensible dress than a sequined dress with a slit in it all the way up to your bellybutton. Also, she and JP kick the ball back and forth a few times on her walk up to the mansion, and when she finally gets up to him, she blows the punch line by just awkwardly throwing out, “I’m looking for a teammate.” AWKWARD. It was so weird.



Amy is a goofball. First of all, her dress does not fit. It is way too tight, and her boobs squish out over the top. Gross. Later, she proceeds to give JP a massage in the middle of the mansion driveway. JP was so not into it. And she kept saying wildly inappropriate things about rubbing oils on him. It was so weird.




I like Renee. She is a single mother real estate agent from Florida. She is 32, so she is a little older than the other girls and seems way more mature – like she actually has her life figured out – unlike the “free spirit.” I hope that she makes it far.

Also, some ABC intern is falling down on their job because JP had lipstick all over his face for the whole time that he was talking to Renee. And Renee wasn’t wearing lipstick.



Lauren H.

Oh man, this girl. I thought that I was going to like this one, but she has a complete mental breakdown. Apparently, her ex-fiancé randomly broke up with her and called off the wedding out of the blue, and she has in no way recovered from that. She spends most of the night freaking out and crying her eyes out about her insecurities. She calms down for just long enough to have a semi-normal conversation with JP, but it is apparent to everyone that Lauren is not ready for a new relationship. She is also tired of people feeling sorry for her.



Maggie and her way Southern accent only has about 45 total seconds of screen time. And that’s all we see of her.



She brings her dog with her. She seems cool enough, and I love dogs as much as the next person, but “Dog Lover” is NOT an occupation. If someone is paying her to be a “dog lover,” she needs to hook a sista up and let me know how that works.



Lacy is 25 and owns a nursing home. How do you even do that? She brings some (fake) pills for JP to take for all of the craziness that is the first night. JP is not impressed.



She is from Tampa, and that is about all we find out about her.



Oh, Kylie. Kylie wears a pink rhinestone dress and looks like she came straight out of my prom fashion book from 2007. Everyone else is wearing neutrals and jewel tones, but she did not get the memo. And the color really clashes with her read hair. Oh, and the girl was involved in the most embarrassing moment of Bachelor(ette) history – she steps forward to accept a rose at the ceremony, only JP called Kat’s name and not Kylie’s. It was so awkward, and she gets sent home.



*Best quote of the night goes to Kylie (after getting eliminated) – “I can picture my life with him even more after meeting him.”


Sharleen is an opera singer, and JP really loves her dress. How do I know this? Because he tells her about 10 times throughout the night. Granted, it was probably my favorite dress of the night too. The girl is super classy and elegant, I mean come on, she is an opera singer. JP is enthralled with her, and goes to get her the First Impression Rose. When he returns, Sharleen is shocked, and just says, “Really??” He says all of these super nice things about her and tells her why he is giving her the rose. When he asks if she will accept the rose, there is like a 30 second pause before she simply says, “Sure.” It was so odd. Usually the girl who gets the first impression rose is the loud one who keeps saying things like, “That rose is mine!” But Sharleen was very reserved and not expecting it at all. In her interview, she says that she is kind of disappointed because she expected there to be more instant chemistry than she felt. I mean, I am glad that she is being honest and not acting like she is in love with JP already when she’s clearly not, but I just really hope that this doesn’t turn into a Des/Brooks situation.


[Also, I must note that when the other girls realized that Sharleen got the First Impression Rose, Andi said, “Aw. She’s really sweet.” Good for Andi. Hooray for being nice to people and not being so catty.]

Safe. First Impression Rose.


Andi is the last one out of the limo, and JP audibly says, “Oh my gosh!” He is immediately attracted her, and they do this cute exchange about how close they should stand together because he makes her nervous. He really likes her, and he moves just so he can watch her walk away into the house. Oh, and she is a prosecutor and that’s cool.

Also, Alli and Andi look a whole lot alike. And their names are really similar.

Alli - soccer girl

Alli – soccer girl

Andi - Prosector

Andi – Prosecutor


I am so excited for all of the drama to start because let’s be real, it’s completely entertaining. I’m pretty sure that scene from the previews where the girl is crying on the bathroom floor and talking about wanting JP to die happens on the next episode. Can’t wait!


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