New Girl / TV Show Recaps

New Girl Recap 3×9: The Longest Night Ever

To be honest, I just spent like 4 hours on my Scandal recap for the week, so this New Girl recap may be lacking some information, but I will do my best. [Dane Cook, anyone?]


Jess and Nick have decided to stay in and have date night. They can’t decide between take-out and Homeland or sex on the couch. But all of those plans change when all of the other roommates’ problems become their problems.

Coach and CeCe are going on a date. Coach asked Schmidt if it was okay – there was a lot of awkward high-fiving, and Schmidt agreed before he really thought about the implications of it all. Nick and Jess decide that it is their mission to keep Schmidt in the loft, so that he doesn’t try to sabo(tage) Coach and CeCe’s date.

Also, Winston decides to go out, and he asks Nick to watch Ferguson. Winston has forgotten how to talk to women, and he is super awkward in the bar. He ends the night early and returns to the loft to find that Nick has left the window open, and Ferguson has escaped. Because it is pretty much Nick’s fault, Nick has to go help him find Ferguson. That means Jess has to babysit Schmidt. It also means no date night. Nick tries to apologize to Jess, and of course, Jess is her normal awkward self.

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Right before Nick and Winston give up on finding Ferguson, someone calls to say that they found him.  When they arrive at her house, she is really freakishly weird – like in a super creepy way. Like, she kind of reminds me of a mix between Rebel Wilson and Melissa McCartney’s characters from Bridesmaids – just super different. But for some reason, Winston is really turned on by her creepiness, and Nick is super uncomfortable. Winston decides that he wants to stay the night with the weird cat rescuer lady, so Nick takes Ferguson home.

Jess tries to keep Schmidt busy in the loft to keep his mind off of the Coach/CeCe date. There is singing and dancing and fighting. When she realizes that this isn’t going to work, she decides that Schmidt needs to go out and meet someone new so that he can move on. Jess convinces Schmidt to talk to some girl at the bar that has a flip phone (Schmidt: “That means she’s either poor or a time traveler”). But, Schmidt uses the girl to escape and get away from Jess. He goes to a chocolate shop to buy some sweets for CeCe.

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But, Schmidt cannot find the Staples Center, where CeCe and Coach are having their date. While he is running around the streets of L.A., Jess finds him. She tells him that she cannot let him ruin CeCe’s date, and Schmidt tells her that the only way she can stop him is to hit him with her car…. So, she does.

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Schmidt is so hilarious when he gets mad. His voice gets all high pitch, and he uses funny words. Why is it so much funnier to say, “You hit me your vehicle,” than it is to say, “You hit me with your car”? Max Greenfield (and whoever writes his lines) is a comedic genius.

The cops come, but Jess convinces them that she hit Schmidt with her car because she loves him. They go home.

Coach is really weird around CeCe. He loses his mojo every time she is around, which makes for some pretty awkward moments on their date. At the basketball game, Coach is trying to be really cool and act like a player, by ignoring CeCe, texting the whole time, and throwing his money around and making her buy 9 pretzels. CeCe finally gets fed up and threatens to leave the date. Coach finally tells her that she makes him nervous, and he doesn’t remember how to do the whole dating thing since Malia broke his heart. CeCe is in the same boat, as she is trying to get over the whole Schmidt debacle.

When, Jess and Schmidt get back to their building, CeCe and Coach are hardcore making out outside. Schmidt and Jess she the whole thing. Schmidt admits that he is not okay, that he is not over CeCe. But, he realizes that with time, he will be okay. NOOOOOOO! You will not be okay, Schmidt. You belong with CeCe. Don’t give up! No one likes Coach!


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