I’m writing this from memory. I failed to take detailed notes on this episode, so if I miss anything pertinent or uniquely hilarious… I accept full blame.
Shout out to my dear friend, Alexandra. She’s a teacher in Louisiana and my real-life version of Jessica Day. Her passion for kids rivals that of Ms. Day and I’m jealous of her awesomeness. (She’ll also probably never read this because she’s too busy enriching the lives of little ones.)
At first when I found out Coach was coming back I was all excited, because I am sooooo over Winston’s creepiness (and let’s be real, Coach is 12 times more attractive) but then Winston was actually funny this epi and Coach was annoying. Sorry New Girl writers that I’m so hard to please. #disgruntledcustomer
Jess is distraught that she can’t take her students on a field trip for Ocean Conservation Day and her normal concern for the environment becomes exacerbated when the annoying Chinese restaurant won’t stop sending her menus… ie cutting down forests to advertise for delicious egg rolls and crab wantons. She’s suddenly AngryEcoJess.
Newly single Coach reintroduces himself to Cece. Blinded by her beauty he beomces a blabbering idiot and loses his cool trying to talk to her. First he’s super polite… then super ghetto… then he just resorts to lifting weights (machismo always works with us ladies right?)It’s a little adorable. I’m sensing a new couple on the horizon!
Speaking of lifting weights, Coach’s new mission in life is to get Nick back into shape so that he doesn’t gain the boyfriend 15 (that’s a thing?!?!?) which studies show eventually turns into the boyfriend 20. Nick claims that Jess is into his comfortable, blubbery fatness.
But Coach is gonna give Nick abs. (Nick: ” I thought God just didn’t give me those.”) They begin a workout regimen complete with complicated jump rope routines, push ups and the like. Winston insists on being a part even though he’s injured. He and Coach have this weird competitive tension that makes me feel uncomfortable and also makes Winston look sadly pathetic.
Schmidt, having moved out of the loft feels left out and wants desperately to be in the group. He overhears the workout track and this is what he does…
Winston has an allergic reaction to the MSG in the Chinese food, even though it clearly advertises that their products do NOT contain MSG. The restaurant owner has no shame and refuses to take blame. Jess attempts to blackmail him for his lies and ruin his business unless they stop printing so many menus. Unfortunately, this results in Charles getting fired. Charles’ only job is to distribute menus. This is how he feeds his family. Jess has ruined Charles’ life.
Nick can’t resist the dumplings or maintain the stamina for working out. He falls off the wagon. Coach gives up on training Nick. Jess gives up on changing the world. They veg out on Chinese food (aka my typical Friday night)
Jess has an epiphany thanks to a motivational speech from Nick. She uses the Chinese restaurant owner’s van to take all of her students on their Ocean Conservation Day Field Trip. The kids are happy, Nick runs (a la Phoebe on that episode of Friends), Winston gets buried in the sand and they’re all one big happy family.
Best part of the episode: Friday Night Lights reference!!! (if you haven’t seen this show, you haven’t lived. You’re actually an empty shell of a person, operating on automatic pilot) Clear eyes, full hearts y’all….