First of all, Nick and Jess are so stinking in love with each other, and it’s beautiful.
Jess proposes that they should all go on a double date – Nick/Jess and Schmidt/CeCe. Schmidt’s anxiety level is sky-high over all of this dating-two-women-mess he has gotten himself into, and he loses his cool over the double date suggestion because he already has plans with Elizabeth that night. I guess he figures his mess out and declares that they can go on a double date. But then, sad and lonely Winston walks in on the convo and says that he wants to come on the date too. Jess: “Yay, double date plus Wiston!”
Because of all of his weird paranoid behavior, CeCe thinks that Schmidt is doing drugs, so she goes into Jess’s room to talk to her about it – while Nick and Jess are still in bed together. Cue the most amazingly awkward scene ever: Nick is so weirded out that CeCe is in the room that he awkwardly keeps trying to cover himself up with the sheet – like his chest and shoulders, even though he is a man and no one cares if they see Nick Miller’s shoulders.
At one point, Nick and Jess get so wrapped up in their love for each other, they forget that CeCe is in the room and start sweet talking and kissing each other.
Nick says over and over that he doesn’t want to get involved in CeCe and Schmidt’s relationship, but he is eventually convinced to talk to Schmidt about doing drugs. This is how the scene ends and I laugh out loud:
When Nick confronts Schmidt about the drugs, Schmidt confesses that he never broke up with Elizabeth and has been dating both Elizabeth and CeCe since the wedding. Schmidt feels instantly better because he finally told someone, and Nick feels instantly terrible because he can’t tell Jess.
Nick knows that he is a terrible liar, so when Jess comes home, he is wearing a motorcycle helmet with a face shield. At first Jess thinks it is strange, but then remembers that they have been wanting to try “no-kiss-sex.”
Post-no-kiss-sex, Nick can’t hold the secret in any longer. Jess loses it on Schmidt and says that he has to tell CeCe or she will!! There is lots of tension in the air, so Nick makes up a happy dance.
When CeCe gets to the apartment for the double date, Schmidt tells her that they are racing to the restaurant in separate cars, so Jess doesn’t have time to tell her. They run out.
Schmidt drives like a maniac – running stop signs and passing the restaurant. Nick drives like a grandma and stops for way too long at stop signs. CeCe knows that something is going on, so Schmidt lies to her and tells her that Nick is cheating on Jess with someone he met at a gas station. CeCe declares that she is going to “junk-punch” Nick as soon as they get to the restaurant and demands that Schmidt turn the car around and go back to the restaurant. Reluctantly, Schmidt turns the car around in the slowest-motion possible and heads back to the restaurant. CeCe jumps out of the car and heads into the restaurant, and Schmidt stays in the car and won’t get out to let the valet park his car.
[All this time, Winston has been sitting at the restaurant waiting on the couples. He was in charge of getting reservations, but the restaurant was booked for months. So he sat at the “community table” for hours and did really disgusting things to drive people away so that he could claim their spots. Poor Winston.]
Nick gets in Schmidt’s car and tries to comfort him. Schmidt says, “This has nothing to do with CeCe and everything to do with the $12 valet.” Cheapskate Nick yells out the window, “Self-park! The maroon car is self-parked!!” Nick and Jess go into the restaurant. CeCe promptly “junk-punches” Nick really hard twice. Schmidt runs in and confesses that he lied. Nick is not a cheater. He has been cheating on her with Elizabeth. CeCe’s eyes well up with tears and Schmidt’s face is filled with guilt. And I can’t handle it.
I can’t handle all of these comedies making me cry (that’s what Parenthood is for).
Back at the loft, Elizabeth is smearing pie in Schmidt’s face. Apparently, CeCe called and told her that Schmidt had been seeing both of them. Schmidt says that this is all Nick and Jess’s faults and declares that his sole purpose in life is to now break up Nick and Jess. [Somehow, Schmidt looks terrifyingly scary when he says this with pie-filling all over his face.]
Nick and Jess begin to ramble off all of the weird things about themselves and all of their deep dark secrets so that Schmidt can’t use them to tear them apart. (Nick doesn’t think that he actually knows how to read. Jess has been banned from Ontario and is scared of pears and pear-shaped people. They both think that horses come from outer space.)
I am actually scared to see what Schmidt is like next week. I don’t want him to be mean. I want him to be hilarious and sweet. We’ll see…