New Girl / TV Show Recaps

New Girl Recap: 3×1 All In

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Quick Season 2 Finale Review: Winston and Schmidt sabotaged CeCe’s wedding because CeCe told Schmidt that she did not want to marry Shivrang during a detailed eye conversation.  After Jess, Nick, and a badger fell from the ceiling onto the wedding altar in the middle of the ceremony, CeCe and Shivrang decided not to get married and Shivrang ran off with Taylor Swift (random).  CeCe and Elizabeth told Schmidt that he had to choose between the two of them, and he ran away avoiding the question.

Although Jess and Nick really like each other, they are nervous about taking their relationship to the next level.  At one point during the episode, they call it off.  At the very end of the episode, Jess gives a speech about not wanting to end things and trying to make it work because they really like each other.  Some awesome upbeat music starts playing, Nick kisses Jess, and they drive away together.

Season 3 picks up right where we left off – Jess and Nick driving in the car.  They talk about how much they really like each other end up pulling over for a little “alone time.” Afterwards, they talk about what they should do next, because just going home back to the loft doesn’t seem exciting enough.  They don’t really have any other options, so they just go home.  They stand outside the door and talk about how weird it is that they “have only been dating for 30 minutes, and [they] already live together,” which is pretty weird when you think about it.  Then, Schmidt texts Nick, and a separate discussion about how needy Schmidt is when it comes to Nick ensues.  Schmidt continues to text Nick over and over, and then he texts Jess to see where Nick is. Finally Schmidt opens the door to see that Nick and Jess are in the hallway and proceeds to berate them with all of his life problems, i.e. CeCe and Elizabeth. Then, Winston comes to the door, with his fresh badger bite wound, and talks about how badly he wants to start a puzzle.  Nick and Jess tell them that they will be right inside, that they just need to figure something out.  As soon as they close the door, Nick and Jess make a run for it.

Winston doing a puzzle is somehow one of the most hilarious things about this episode.  Apparently, he likes to do puzzles in the nude. He sings inappropriate things to puzzles, “I’m gonna do you puzzle … right here on this table…”  And with wide-eyed wonder, he asks Schmidt, “What do you think it’s gonna look like?”  Schmidt has a minor freakout and starts yelling:

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Schmidt decides that he has to end things with CeCe because he was dating Elizabeth first – and that’s the only logical thing to do.  But, when he tries to breakup with CeCe – he can’t.  So, he tries to break up Elizabeth – but he can’t do that either.  So now, Schmidt is secretly dating two women.

CeCe comes over, and because Schmidt has led Winston to belive that he has broken up with CeCe, a very awkward conversation between Winston and CeCe starts.  It involves Winston falsely confessing to seducing Elizabeth exactly two and a half times and falsely admitting to sewing CeCe’s underwear into his own boxers. [I am rolling on the floor laughing – I mean, who comes up with this stuff.]  All the while, there is a whole lot of silent, hand-gesturing talking going on between Winston and Schmidt while CeCe’s back is turned – which is hilarious.

Meanwhile: Jess is driving the car while Nick is sleeping.  Nick wakes up and says, “Those cops look like they’re about 15, and they have huge guns … Are we in Mexico?”

Four days later, Nick and Jess are still living on the beach in Mexico, but they realize that they don’t have any money left and their make-shift shelter is no good.  They decide to sneak into some fancy beach resort and steal people’s leftover cocktails.  When a security guard becomes suspicious of them, they try and convince a little boy to give them his resort bracelet.  When the kid won’t give it to them, Nick threatens to strangle him to death.  So, the kid gives his bracelet to Jess, but Nick still does not have one.  The security guard takes Nick to jail, kicking and screaming.

Jess runs into the loft while Winston and Schmidt are spinning around in circles yelling about how bad Winston is at puzzles, and Winston is wearing a hoodie as pants – don’t ask.

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She says she needs all the money they have and Nick’s passport so they can get him out of Mexican jail.  They drive back to the Mexican resort and proceed to have an argument over whether Nick would be somebody’s “sissy” or somebody’s “bitch, “ which is when Jess yells, “Nick is my bitch!” Schmidt thinks that they can bribe the workers to get Nick out of jail, so the workers sent him on a maze through the hotel where he pays everyone off and wastes all their money. (“You need to talk to Manny … You need to talk to Julio … You need to talk to Brad.”)

The gang finally finds Nick in resort jail, not real jail, and he’s just been watching Ugly Betty this whole time. Nick doesn’t want to go back to the loft because he thinks that his and Jess’s relationship will not survive amidst the craziness that is Schmidt and Winston.  He threatens to shred his passport, and in return Schmidt threatens to shred his body.  Then, Jess gives a great speech about how they are all family, and they all belong together, and they need to all go home.  But, somehow, Nick’s passport is still in the shredder.  But have no fear, Winston loves puzzles, and he thinks he can put it back together.

passportBack at the border, the passport looks a hot mess.  When the guard questions them, Winston says, “My name is Winston Bishop. I am a color-blind American citizen. And I can’t do puzzles.  Now please just let us go home.” The guard says, “It says Unatered Stites of Amurica.” Apparently the combination of Winston’s speech and puzzling skills works because the gang makes it back to the loft. Nick and Jess make out at the door with Winston and Schmidt watching in disgust.

Oh, and Winston finally finishes his puzzle.

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P.S. Netflix added New Girl season 2 yesterday if you still need to catch up.

-L

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