The girls are glad to shed their flannel and fur as they fly to St. Croix. They have a spacious suite but Tierra decides to sleep on a cot/rollaway bed… in the hallway. All the girls are like “why don’t you want to join our sleepover?!!?” Date card arrives and we find out that AshLee has the first one on one. Tierra the second. Lesley the third.
She and Sean swim to a boat and make out on the beach. I’m actually surprised with how scandalous she’s being. She usually seems so prim and proper. As they picnic on the beach, girl tells it likes it is and Sean appreciates her honesty about Tierra. I’m not sure why AshLee’s reveal was more helpful than Lesley’s from a few weeks ago but whatever. With some producer prompting I think, Sean asks AshLee if she has any secrets to reveal. She takes forever to get to the point and I’m thinking “She has a son! She has a teenage son! She has a 17 year old son who’s been in jail this whole time for petty theft!” (Gimme a break. I love TV. My mind instantly goes for the dramatic.) Alas, it’s only that AshLee was a little more rebellious in her early years. She pulled a Naley (OTH) and got married in high school. However, she came to her senses and got a divorce a year later. Sean seems cool with it and says she’s not broken. However, I’m thinking that’s going to be an awkward issue for him and his family. My question, why didn’t she tell him earlier? That’s kind of a big deal. Love confession 1. comes from AshLee. She literally announces it to the world at the top of her lungs. I’m a little embarrassed for her, but Sean seems to appreciate it.
Complaining, whining little female dog. Tierra’s all like ” I love boats. That should be my date! I hate being hot. I hate mosquitoes.” Sean plans for them to explore the city of St. Croix. As she tries to daintily saunter towards him, he tells her she looks cute, but let’s be real she tends to have the cheapest looking outfits (those ripped jorts for example). This is the Bachelor people! She should have gone shopping for a new wardrobe before coming on the show. He bought her a bunch of souvenir crap so hopefully that will appease her when she reminisces about her failed 15 minutes of fame. They get caught up in a parade and we witness awkward dancing. Love confession 2. comes at night when she tell him she’s fallen in love wit(h) him. She never says “with,” she say “wit.” It irks me.
Group Date: Des, Lindsey and Catherine
These girls are still super cute in the morning even without make up on. Can you sense my intense jealousy. Let’s be real, I always wake up with a few missing hair rollers, puffy eyes and pillow wrinkles on my cheek. They drink mimosas as the sun rises (my kind of early morning) and Sean announces a road trip across the island. He drives the jeep like boss. For some reason Des always rides shot gun (feigning car sickness?) and gets most of the one on one time. Theyall race against the clock to see the sunset on the other side of the island, making pit stops at a sugar mill and a treehouse. Catherine confesses some deep stuff and I’m even more impressed with her positive outlook on life. Lindsey gets the rose and I have no earthly idea why.
Back at the house, Tierra the witch is straining her brain muscles finding ways to get more attention. So she decides to pick a fight with AshLee.
They explore what look like ancient ruins and pick fruit in an orchard of sorts. Lesley is smart. She’s still being reserved and she admits to learning some things from being a fan of the show. She comes so close to admitting her feelings to Sean but opts to “Pick some more fruit.” Listen girl, I love avocados as much as the next quacamole lover, but you need to be handling Sean’s bulging biceps a little more than fruit. I’m just saying. All the while, we notice that she and Sean are too much in the friend zone to compare to Lindsey’s incessant liplocking, AshLee’s emotional trust connection, Catherine’s perfect balance of fun and passion or Des’ classy endearment. Lesley also has an eye contact problem. I think she’s still crushing on Sean too much to consider it a real relationship. I’m going to go ahead and say, I would love for her to come back as the Bachelorette and take things on her own pace.
Sister Shay comes to give Sean advice and keep it real. There’s a reason this girl is happily married with a hot husband and beautiful kids. She’s awesome. I wish we were friends. Sean decides he wants Shay’s opinion on Tierra with a face to face meeting.Inside the suite AshLee and Tierra are in the midst of a catfight. Tierra is playing the victim and screaming like a banshee while AshLee tries to have a calm, logical discussion. Tierra plays the age card and AshLee’s like “whatever. Long hair don’t care. Gotta brush that dirt off your shoulders.” Clever Bachelor producers splice it all together to make it seem like Sean’s going to walk in on the confrontation between Tierra and AshLee. Unfortunately some time has passed and Sean finds Tierra squeezing water out of her tear ducts, to no avail. She uses her catch phrases, “I hate confrontation. I’m so sensitive. I have a big heart.They are out to get me. It’s just so hard.” blah blah blah. In a moment of clarity (and maybe with permission from the producers) Sean decides to send her home. Not a single drop of fluid falls from her eyes! She’s so fake. But let’s be real, I did want to see Shay give Tierra the stink eye to her face and maybe slap some sense into her. Ah well. Good riddance. Tierra
Quotes of the night: “If I could walk around with a smile on my face all the time, I would. But my face would get frickin tired.” and ” I won’t let them take my sparkle!” Yeah. Seems like somebody lost one too many pageants growing up. Those quotes are definitely going in my sarcastic comment arsenal…
The girls don’t know Tierra is gone for good. Finally we see Chris Harrison for the first time the whole episode (he was probably off helping Ashley and JP plan their wedding or heal Emily Maynard’s broken heart.) He states the obvious as usual and reminds us of how many girls are left and how many roses are available. Sean, probably sick of all the drama decides to skip the cocktail party.
Rose recipients: Lindsey (group date), Catherine, Des and AshLee
No Lesley! She was one of my front-runners: smart, fun, pretty in an unconventional way. Apparently Catherine agreed with me. Clearly, they were besties and Catherine thinks Lesley was a perfect match for Sean. It’s almost like a breath of fresh air that she can admit this, but she admits “if he doesn’t want her, what could he possibly want with me?!??!” An age old question my dear, an age old question. Why does the Bachelor never pick the perfect girl?… and stay with her? Well, I still really like Des and Catherine, so there’s hope yet.
Next week should be interesting. Family drama as usual with the stereotypical:
1. Intimidating military dad
2. Jerk older brother who picks a fight
3. Brutally honest sisters
4. Meeting the canine competition
Credits role… Sean in a onesie… still hot or a little disturbing?!?!? Thoughts?