I must say. It’s really difficult for me to enjoy the cold destination dates like Canada, merely because Sean has to put on so many layers for warmth. But fortunately, this episode was an exception…
In our opening scene, Sean nimbly maneuvers across fallen trees like a boy scout (which is how I will refer to him for the remainder of this post). There are 9 women left and Boy Scout Sean has brought them to Lake Louise in (what sounds like BAMF) Banff National Park. It’s gorgeous, but clearly higher up in latitude and most assuredly the ladies will not be happy that they’ll have to continue finding ways to make flannel look high-fashion. Apparently though, they’ve had the chance to go on a shopping spree, because they’re sporting fur, parkas and scarves galore.
Chris Harrison gives us his spiel, emphasizing that if the ladies aren’t given a rose, they’ll be headed back to the U.S. on a plane. (Wouldn’t it just be a short Greyhound bus ride, I mean it’s just across the border?!?!) Lindsey finds the date card… results:
One on One- Catherine
Group Date- Selma, Lesley, Lindsey, AshLee, Tierra, Sarah and Daniella
One on One- Des
Takeaway: Tierrable and Daniella still haven’t had a one on one date and yet Des is going on her second. I’m thinking her talk with Sean last week convinced him that she needed some reassurance.
Catherine is growing on me. She seems fun and light-hearted. She keeps it real and wants the world to know she’s not into conformity (hence the nose ring and not eating meat). For a solid 8 minutes we watch her attempt to blink blizzard residue out of her eyes as she awaits Boy Scout Sean’s appearance. Suddenly, he crests the mountain not riding a white horse mind you, but an enormous snow bus. (Does he need a special license for that thing?) It’s an odd mode of transportation but he handles it well. (I have in my notes a paraphrased quote about Sean’s giant “what?!!?”… snowbus. I think my mind went into the gutter for a moment. ) At this point I’m thinking, Sean plans sucky dates because his grand idea is to go play on a glacier…. Let’s be real. Anywho, Catherine seems to like it as they frolic like “4 year olds on a play date” (ooohh! Friend zone?!?) Finally, they finish frolicking and get ready for dinner in an ice castle. The decorator took a page out of Beauty and the Beast and put frozen roses in ice everywhere. Clearly it’s freezing but that’s okay because then you’re obligated to cuddle! Catherine gets serious and tells a tragic story about a summer camp freak accident. Boy Scout Sean deduces this is why Catherine is so upbeat, she refuses to take life for granted. I deduce that cute, little Catherine is everything Tierra tries to be. But Tierra is freaking faking it.
Clearly Boy Scout Sean is all about issuing a challenge (it’s that former K State football playing competitive streak). However, I scream at the TV, “Boy Scout Sean! Did you learn nothing from last week’s canoe catastrophe?!?! Why would you make these poor lacking-in-upper-body-strength-and–coordination women get in canoes… again!” Fortunately, they all make it safely across without tipping into below freezing waters- only to discover they’ll be taking a polar plunge. An authoritative little Canadian park woman makes her presence known along with Ron Weasley’s long lost Canadian lifeguard brother. Sean strips into prison-striped swim trunks and the girls follow suit… very reluctantly. All the while, I’m thinking about how when stranded in the poles, the best way to fight hypothermia is to get buck naked and allow your body heat to warm the other person. (maybe I made that up. Maybe I learned it from Boy Meets World. I dunno)
Selma- This little girl from Baghdad has violent tendencies towards Tierra, but let’s be real. Who wouldn’t? Selma’s candor cracks me up. She tells it like is. In classic princess style, she refuses to do the polar plunge (she’s not an idiot) and cheers the other girls on. “I am from Baghdad. We don’t do cold.”
Lesley- I like Lesley. She’s smart and has a great dry wit that I can relate to. Home girl is taking advantage of this opportunity! Not only does she finagle alone time with the bachelor in a canoe, but she lets him do all the work! (I knew she was smart) She also grasps Boy Scout Sean’s hand as they plunge together into the glacier fed waters. “I’m gonna get hypothermia for a rose.” And she does. Boy Scout Sean gives her the group date rose.
Tierra- Accident prone-wench. She fakes hypothermia. She needs to learn to use waterproof mascara when the occasion calls for it. While suffering from the imaginary symptoms of hypothermia, she grasps Canadian lifeguard Ron Weasley’s biceps (I saw that you little flirt!) She also pulls a classic Tierra stunt by miraculously recovering and crashing the date party. Gah! She makes me ill.
AshLee- This southern belle clearly has some emotional issues she’s gonna need to overcome. In addition, she’s very nervous about the polar plunge and doesn’t like the position she’s being put in… going out of her comfort zone to make a guy happy. Under normal circumstances, I would be like “yeah girl! Don’t let him pressure you!” but, let’s be real. This is a competition. AshLee is also astute in that she knows Tierra is faking hypothermia. You can’t pull the wool over her eyes!
Sarah- She’s sweet but let’s cut to the chase, kind of sounds like a Kardashian when she talks. During the date party, she jumps forward 3 episodes and shows Boy Scout Sean pictures of her family. (Hometowns are still weeks away… duh). Unfortunately, this makes him realize that he’s not ready for that step with her. He decides to let her go early. This scene breaks my heart, because even though she wasn’t my favorite, this does seem to be her perpetual lot in life… guys telling her how great she is and that she’s going to make some other guy really happy. Honestly, it’s crushing. She does have the prettiest cry as she rides home though.*
Daniella- Chick knows she’s going home. I don’t think they ever even have alone time. All I wrote down for her was “nice try covering up your belly during the plunge”. ( Didn’t anyone send her the mandatory Pre-Bachelor work-out video? You will be in a bikini 67% of the time and half of the other girls already list ‘working out’ as a hobby…)
Lindsey- Like the adorably psychotic person that she is, Lindsey is pumped about this polar plunge. I mean, no reservations at all! Even Boy Scout Sean is a little hesitant but Lindsey volunteers like Katniss at the reaping….
Des’ voice narrates as she pretends to pack and prepare for the possibility of not getting a rose. ** Boy Scout Sean wants to do some more height challenges so they repel down what Des calls “a mountain” and he calls “a rock.” I really like Des, she’s a good sport and isn’t afraid to try. It works in the end (probably because he gave her kisses of encouragement every 3 feet down). They picnic in a field and Des issues a challenge of her own. Let’s climb trees. This ends up being their favorite part of the date, probably because they feel like Edward and Bella after he confesses to being a vampire in that Twilight mess. All the while I can’t get “Sean and Des, sittin in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G” out of my head. For dinner, Boy Scout Sean dons a sweater he stole from Bill Cosby’s closet and cuddles with Des in a tee-pee. We can see the cold coming from their breath as she confides in him about her less than middle-class childhood. Des admits that she’s super humble because her loving family was forced to live in trailers, campers and even tents (like this one) for stints of time. Boy Scout Sean takes it in stride and subconsciously pledges to be the best bread-winner any family has ever seen.
Best quote- Selma- “You’re gonna WIFE that?!?” referring to Tierrable
Selma finally kisses Boy Scout Sean very chastely, but alas, that and her insane amount of cleavage only serve to embarrass her mother. In a cruel twist of fate she’s sent home without a rose.
On the other hand, Lindsey issues herself a challenge, promising to have a REAL conversation without making out. Clearly, it’s very difficult. They both fail the challenge and end up swapping saliva anyway.
AshLee plays psychiatrist and challenges herself to a blindfolded trust experiment. She allows Boy Scout Sean to lead her and in the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen… he picks her up and carries her instead. I don’t care if it’s cheesy, I’m a sucker for these things. I thought it was precious. Don’t judge me.
Status– Sean is reassured that his wife may very well be in the room. He sends Daniella and Selma home. Girls remaining: Lindsey, AshLee, Des, Lesley, Catherine, Tierra.
*That awkward moment when you know he’s about to send someone home. He has to give a speech per the ABC producer’s request but the poor girl’s face is just like “Ugh! Do I have to sit through this? Can I go now? All of your flowery words are not going to make me feel any better.”
**Do they all have the same luggage or does the ABC/Bachelor producer give that one bag to each girl so they can fake pack? I mean, let’s be real… they’ can’t fit their cosmetic collection in that bag, let alone their entire wardrobe!
My Two Favorite Quotes:
1. “Can I kiss you with your oxygen in?” – Sean talking to attention-whore Tierra
2. “Just think, I spent some of my childhood living in a tent, and now here I am falling in love in a teepee!” – Des sounding way to excited about the tent/teepee irony
** I also noticed Sarah and Des’s strangely similar luggage … weird.